ever since reaching age 25 (i'm now only 25 and 15 months old), it feels as if i say the words "there isn't enough time" to myself on an almost-daily basis. and i think it is that there's this urgency (probably a white supremacist capitalism thing) hovering just above our consciousness that squeezes time into something we have to barter, trade, and sell. we do not get to exist in time, we have to "make the most of it". we are discouraged from getting lost in time, and instead, are encouraged to see death as an ever-approaching reason to "budget" your time wisely. all of this, as i suspected earlier in my comment, is just another way of us loosing ownership over something sacred that should have been ours; wholely ours. like our bodies, our methods of expression, our relationships, and even our identities. instead, white supremacist capitalism (which is also patriarchy, just btw) OWN our bodies, our meaning-making systems, our connections, our senses of self, AND (most prominently) white supremacist capitalism owns our time.
so, yeah. this is a hard relate that sits uncomfortably jagged in my soft belly.
Siv, no idea why I missed this before, and such a pity too because you've said some true and beautiful things here. One of the good things about being in an older body, and also I suspect being in a body claimed by the grumpy, incorrigible, insistent self, is that you do learn to own 'your methods of expression' and you 'meaning-making systems'.
ever since reaching age 25 (i'm now only 25 and 15 months old), it feels as if i say the words "there isn't enough time" to myself on an almost-daily basis. and i think it is that there's this urgency (probably a white supremacist capitalism thing) hovering just above our consciousness that squeezes time into something we have to barter, trade, and sell. we do not get to exist in time, we have to "make the most of it". we are discouraged from getting lost in time, and instead, are encouraged to see death as an ever-approaching reason to "budget" your time wisely. all of this, as i suspected earlier in my comment, is just another way of us loosing ownership over something sacred that should have been ours; wholely ours. like our bodies, our methods of expression, our relationships, and even our identities. instead, white supremacist capitalism (which is also patriarchy, just btw) OWN our bodies, our meaning-making systems, our connections, our senses of self, AND (most prominently) white supremacist capitalism owns our time.
so, yeah. this is a hard relate that sits uncomfortably jagged in my soft belly.
Siv, no idea why I missed this before, and such a pity too because you've said some true and beautiful things here. One of the good things about being in an older body, and also I suspect being in a body claimed by the grumpy, incorrigible, insistent self, is that you do learn to own 'your methods of expression' and you 'meaning-making systems'.
i look forward to growing older. wondering less and knowing more.